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Thursday, April 12, 2007
No supermom in this house
I have to admit my whole life has been completely turned upside down with the arrival of Miss Addy. My boys are older and more independent so I had tons of down time for myself. Gone are the long hours I spent at the computer scouring photolistings and adoption boards, blogs and websites. The hours at night to sew or read - I miss that. It's been years since I've had a 1 year old and I forgot how much time and work they are and frankly, I'm not as young as I was back then either!

My poor blog has become as neglected as my housework, laundry, side job antique/craft business, marriage. Addy wakes up with my every morning at 6:15 like clockwork and then it's rush, rush, rush to get everyone dressed and out the door for 7:30. Then I rush to daycare, rush to work. I get in early and work straight through with no breaks or lunches so I can have every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon off. But the downside is that by the time the supper dishes are done, baths given, homework done and I fall into bed at night on those long days, I'm exhausted and spent.

Honestly, lately when I'm running around like a nut in the morning and Addy won't let me do her hair or the dog just threw up on the carpet or B missed the bus and needs a ride to school, I think of that baby that's coming and I don't know how I could do it without having a nervous breakdown. I find myself getting depressed and overwhelmed because I feel stretched and pulled in a million directions at the same time. Kids fighting and crying, bills that need to get paid, housework that needs to get done, laundry that piles up, etc.

How do those Supermoms do it? I'm probably a SoSoMom at best. My kids are loved, secure, happy, healthy and clean so I know I'm a success as far as they're concerned but all the other aspects of my life feel like a never ending house of cards that's ready to topple with each added weight.

Don't think that I'm ungrateful or that I regret adopting because that couldn't be more wrong. After suffering through years of secondary infertility and then going through the adoption process, I really, really wanted and fought to make my family. I actually started crying driving to work today because I still am so overwhelmed that I got so lucky to be chosen for Addy. I am so blessed and proud to be her mommy. I love her more than words could ever describe and I still feel like I have to pinch myself that this beautiful little soul is all mine. It's just that I'm tired and worn right now.
Blogger Amanda said...
I know exactly what you mean. Wanting something doesn't make it less hard. And it is a huge change. I am glad that you will have some time to decide about the sibling.

Blogger happyadoptingmom said...
I am positive from reading your blog you are a super mom!! Enjoy being busy and raising Addy. Don't sweat the small stuff. Life has a way of taking care of its self. Hugs for you praying today is a better day and more sleep will come soon.

Blogger Maggie said...
Amanda said it well. Just because you wanted this so badly and fought so hard for it doesn't mean it isn't hard. I think there's a pressure for a-families to spout sunshine and butterflies all the time. But the fact of the matter is it's stinking hard. Wonderful, rewarding, and fulfilling -- sure. But Hard with a capital H.

You're doing great.

Blogger Starfish said...
Of course you're a supermom! That's what it's all about...doing a great job despite how hard it is.

Blogger Fostermama said...
I always feel overwhelmed after a new placement. I need at least a few months to find my groove again....and to find some sleep again! Give yourself a break and don't expect too much, you're a new mom (again).

Blogger Ahauna said...
Thank you, girls. You always make me feel better with your wisdom.

When we got our girls they were 6 & 8 years old. We had no other children. We had them for TWO WEEKS before their adoptions were finalized... I wasn't able to take maternity leave (we couldn't afford it)... I was beyond stressed. I thought it meant I wasn't a good mom, but then realized that it was normal to go through that. Especially becoming parents to girls that age overnight. You are a wonderful mom, you show it in your posts.