I have to admit my whole life has been completely turned upside down with the arrival of Miss Addy. My boys are older and more independent so I had tons of down time for myself. Gone are the long hours I spent at the computer scouring photolistings and adoption boards, blogs and websites. The hours at night to sew or read - I miss that. It's been years since I've had a 1 year old and I forgot how much time and work they are and frankly, I'm not as young as I was back then either!
My poor blog has become as neglected as my housework, laundry, side job antique/craft business, marriage. Addy wakes up with my every morning at 6:15 like clockwork and then it's rush, rush, rush to get everyone dressed and out the door for 7:30. Then I rush to daycare, rush to work. I get in early and work straight through with no breaks or lunches so I can have every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon off. But the downside is that by the time the supper dishes are done, baths given, homework done and I fall into bed at night on those long days, I'm exhausted and spent.
Honestly, lately when I'm running around like a nut in the morning and Addy won't let me do her hair or the dog just threw up on the carpet or B missed the bus and needs a ride to school, I think of that baby that's coming and I don't know how I could do it without having a nervous breakdown. I find myself getting depressed and overwhelmed because I feel stretched and pulled in a million directions at the same time. Kids fighting and crying, bills that need to get paid, housework that needs to get done, laundry that piles up, etc.
How do those Supermoms do it? I'm probably a SoSoMom at best. My kids are loved, secure, happy, healthy and clean so I know I'm a success as far as they're concerned but all the other aspects of my life feel like a never ending house of cards that's ready to topple with each added weight.
Don't think that I'm ungrateful or that I regret adopting because that couldn't be more wrong. After suffering through years of secondary infertility and then going through the adoption process, I really, really wanted and fought to make my family. I actually started crying driving to work today because I still am so overwhelmed that I got so lucky to be chosen for Addy. I am so blessed and proud to be her mommy. I love her more than words could ever describe and I still feel like I have to pinch myself that this beautiful little soul is all mine. It's just that I'm tired and worn right now.