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Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Brother/sister to be
When the social worker came out to visit Addy yesterday, we discussed Addy's new baby brother or sister that's due in June. DH and I still haven't come to a decision. It's so hard to make.

Him:

- house is too small
- money is too tight
- we're already stretched to the limit with 3 kids and 3 dogs

Me:

- are you kidding? Do you know what a blessing this is? Most people in the adoption process would kill to have this dilemma
- there is no greater thing we can do for Addy than for her to grow up with her biological sibling
- yes it will be hard for the first few years, but after that it will be so great that they're only 2 years apart. They can basically grow up together
- money, time and space is always going to too tight...what's one more? There will never be enough time or money but there will always be "just enough" no matter what
- if we say no, I will always have the question in my head did we do the right thing?

and then....the cons:

- baby will be placed with us as a foster child so there is always the chance we might lose the baby to the mother or another family member, no matter how small it's still there
- getting another 6 weeks off from work. I'm afraid to even ask! Two maternity leaves in 4 months??!!!
- will I have enough time to do everything? There are only 24 hours in a day and will DH and I end up burned out and the kids end up neglected in the process?

We have roughly 2 months to pray, argue, think and come to an answer. Any thoughts or opinions?
9 Comments:
Blogger happyadoptingmom said...
Think of it this way. If God gave you an unexpected pregnancy. Would you keep it? Would you be happy? This unexpected gift is from God. I am sure this baby will have a great life with or without you but should you say no to this blessing because it wasn't planned. How will you tell Addy you said no to adopting her sibling? Trust God to provide monetary things. Babies do not need that much.God gives you the strength and resources to handle everything He gives you. Sorry I guess I feel strongly on this issue of siblings being raised together if at all possiable

Blogger Ahauna said...
You worded it perfectly and I agree with you. To answer your questions: Yes and yes, without a question. I would feel horrible talking to Addy.

I want so much for Addy and her sibling to be raised together. There will never be enough time or money but there will always be "enough", if that makes sense.

Thank you for weighing in. I really do appreciate it.

Blogger Maggie said...
If you can do it, I think it's great. In the long run it would be the best thing for those kids. But you can't take that on without thoroughly thinking it through. I'm glad you and your husband are thinking about all angles of it.

Blogger Fostermama said...
Make an informed, loving decision. But know that you will always think of this little one whether they are with you or not. Think whether or not they have Addy's eyes, what they are doing at this age or that. Wonder if they are thinking about Addy and if they know about her. Addy will too.

Blogger Amanda said...
I agree with maggie. we may be facing a similar situation in July, as we have just accepted a new placement (caseplan unclear) and we have been contacted by two other moms who want to place their baby with us.

does it seem like all three of these placements were meant to be? well, yes since we're not even working with an agency and the moms sought us out through friends and family.

does that mean we can or should take all three babies at once? probably not.

of course, we don't have the added biological sibling issue, but both of the other potential adoption situations are related to family in one way or another, so i understand your dilemna.

good luck, whatever decision you make!

Blogger JUST A MOM said...
Looking at myself and my family, after 10 years of fostercare looking where we are today. My question to you is this,,,,,,, How strong and healthy is YOUR family now? Can it afford yet another child. I am nost sure how I got here but I can tell you today 7 years after stopping foster care after 35+ children. My husband and I are in counsoling and my BIRTH children are dealing with their own issues. We have 3 beautiful daughters adopted through the foster care system. Would NOT think of not having them,,, BUT looking back at what cost? FIXING/HELPING babies/children can be addictive,,, I was there. Good luck on your thoughts. Pray together and see what God says. You are in my thoughts.




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Blogger JUST A MOM said...
Good afternoon, I stayed up untill 3:00 am reading your blog from day 1. I would like to go back and change my mind...... You will just have to take the baby. Blessings come in doubles??? thank you for sharing.

Blogger Esther said...
I think siblings would be great. We are in the process of being matched currently and we have requested siblings. I say two thumbs up for sibs ;o)

We have requested two sisters age 3-7yrs old.

Blogger dave.heather said...
Hi...I feel for you both. My husband and I had a very similar situation. We recently completed the adoption of our daughter from Guatemala (you left a comment on our blog ages ago). Just as we were entering the final phase of the process we got a call from our attorney letting us know that the birth mom was pregnant again and due in two months. We went back and forth over the next couple of months with all of the same exact thoughts and feelings you shared in your post. Finally, I realized that as much sense as it made to me to take him, it made the exact same amount of sense to my husband not to (this would have made five kids for us). I also realized that to go forward with a second adoption would mean choosing this baby over my husband. I realized that I wouldn't be doing my daughter any favors by adopting her bio sibling if it meant weakening my marriage to her daddy. It was the hardest decision I have ever made and I mourned the loss of my unborn son (that's how it felt to me). But I started right away posting to my adoption forums to find him a family that would maintain contact with us. In the meantime the birth mom changed her mind and this little boy, that I feel like is somehow partly mine, is happy and healthy with his birth mom in Guatemala. I won't pretend to have any advice for you. It is a surprisingly difficult decision. No easy answers. All my best, Heather