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Sunday, March 18, 2007
Damn Glowworm Tripped Us Up
When Addy first came to us for visits, she had a glow worm that she used to take with her. She used it to go to sleep and would press it about 20 times before she'd fall asleep. Early on, the batteries died and I didn't have replacements and she loves her thumb and blanket so she just used those to fall asleep.

Last night, I put new batteries in the thing and gave it to her at bedtime at 7:30. Holy shit, all hell broke loose. She flipped out, crying hysterically, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't stay in bed. This went on for three hours before she finally conked out from exhaustion. At first, I couldn't figure out why she was crying then I kind of figured it out that the worm triggered memories of the foster family. I asked her if she missed them and she said yes. I asked her if she wanted to go bye-bye to see them and she said yes and she went over to the door and was trying to get out. My heart broke for her. Even though I don't like the care she was given, they are still the only family she has known and the stupid worm reminded her of her first home.

She's been extra cranky today, probably from lack of sleep. She woke up several times last night crying, too. Tomorrow I go back to work and she starts daycare - this couldn't have come at a worse time. I hope she's ok. On top of that, Tuesday I have Early Intervention coming over and the last time they came, she took her only other temper tantrum.

I wish I could've taken her right from the hospital, I wish her mother had been capable of being her mother, I wish I could make all the hurt go away...

Addy is very lucky to have only been in one foster home and to be adopted at such an early age, but there are still repercussions and traumas that she has and will endure because of it. My hope is that DH and I can help her through her hurts and to guide her into a successful, happy adult. It's only been a month and I can honestly say I would die for her if I had to, the love I feel for her is that strong. That's why it hurts me to see her hurt.
2 Comments:
Blogger Maggie said...
Poor kiddo. This has to be so confusing for her. The lack of continuity is so difficult. But, she'll be all right.

Blogger FosterMommy said...
Is it possible for you to take her to visit her foster family at all? Even another visit or 2 over the next couple of months would help her a lot. It's great that she was so bonded to them, and it would be nice for her to know that they're still around and love her, even though she doesn't live with them anymore.