Addy is still sick. If she's still throwing up and having diarrhea tomorrow I'll take her in. No one else in the house has gotten it, though I don't know how but my mother came over to see her Saturday and she called me this morning that she has it. It's really going around here from what I've been hearing.
As long as she keeps hydrated she'll be ok. I just hate to see any of my babies sick.
I must admit, I never really thought much about the gross underepresentation of African-American children's stuff until I got Addy. Looking in stores and magazines, there are always plenty of white baby dolls and books and toys but slim pickings for black ones. The Disney Princesses - a blonde, a redhead, a brunette, a Native American, an Indian an Asian. Where is the African-American Princess?
I was literally ecstatic to see Disney's annoucement for their newest Princess, the first African-American Princess. And, if that wasn't the cat's ass, her name is Maddy! The movie is "The Frog Princess" and it's set to be released in 2009. It takes place in the french quarter of New Orleans. Addy will be 4 when the movie is released, the perfect age. I'm so excited for her and all black girls to finally have their own princess. It's long overdue.
Addy woke up at 3:00 this morning throwing up. I've been sleeping with her since she came to us and she got both of us plus all the bedding and her favorite "blankey". No sooner did I get the sheets changed and both of us into clean pjs when she did it again. This has now been going on all day. I've changed both of us at least 4 times. Poor pumpkin. She just looks so pathetic and miserable.
When Addy first came to us for visits, she had a glow worm that she used to take with her. She used it to go to sleep and would press it about 20 times before she'd fall asleep. Early on, the batteries died and I didn't have replacements and she loves her thumb and blanket so she just used those to fall asleep.
Last night, I put new batteries in the thing and gave it to her at bedtime at 7:30. Holy shit, all hell broke loose. She flipped out, crying hysterically, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't stay in bed. This went on for three hours before she finally conked out from exhaustion. At first, I couldn't figure out why she was crying then I kind of figured it out that the worm triggered memories of the foster family. I asked her if she missed them and she said yes. I asked her if she wanted to go bye-bye to see them and she said yes and she went over to the door and was trying to get out. My heart broke for her. Even though I don't like the care she was given, they are still the only family she has known and the stupid worm reminded her of her first home.
She's been extra cranky today, probably from lack of sleep. She woke up several times last night crying, too. Tomorrow I go back to work and she starts daycare - this couldn't have come at a worse time. I hope she's ok. On top of that, Tuesday I have Early Intervention coming over and the last time they came, she took her only other temper tantrum.
I wish I could've taken her right from the hospital, I wish her mother had been capable of being her mother, I wish I could make all the hurt go away...
Addy is very lucky to have only been in one foster home and to be adopted at such an early age, but there are still repercussions and traumas that she has and will endure because of it. My hope is that DH and I can help her through her hurts and to guide her into a successful, happy adult. It's only been a month and I can honestly say I would die for her if I had to, the love I feel for her is that strong. That's why it hurts me to see her hurt.
I haven't had much to post because we're just getting into the routine of becoming a family with Addy. That means just lots of hanging around getting to know each other and bonding. I'm so happy that Addy has bonded to us so fully and completely. She is just a doll. I can't believe how much I have fallen in love with this little girl. I was so prepared for a long wait and the problems that come with adopting but I really haven't experienced anything but joy. She is such a sweet, good soul and I am forever greatful that the red thread was attached to her.
Some things I love about Addy:
- When she laughs she crinkles up her nose and pulls her jaw to the side so her top and bottom teeth don't line up - She loves to talk on the phone, or a calculator or anything that resembles the shape of a phone. Then she yells "Huh-wo" and talks gibberish - When she hugs us, she pats our back - She's left-handed like me! We're the only ones in the family (I knew she was my daughter!) - When the dogs come in from outside or the boys come home from school, she screams and jumps up and down and yells their name like she hasn't seen them in a year - The curls in her hair are so soft and springy. My hair is stick straight so it's a treat to play with it and put it in little puppy tails on top of her head - The way she walks, she has this chubby baby toddle that makes me want to scoop her up and eat her - The way she says Yes to everything. "Addy, do want to be a pickle", she nods. "Addy, do you want to go to the moon?" she nods - Her voice and her laugh. She has this deep, husky voice that is so funny coming from this little girl - How much she loves me. She follows me all around calling me MaMa and loves when I hold her and cuddle and hug - When we put her to bed and she doesn't want to sleep, she'll tiptoe out and hand me something like that, she thinks I'll forget that she was supposed to be in bed. Last night it was a Cinderella plastic toy dish, LOL - She's always lifting up her shirt and showing us her fat belly then she laughs hysterically when we kiss or blow raspberries on it - When she's done eating, she yells "All Done!" then "Doggy" and holds her plate out to them and my favorite... - She gets her favorite "Blanky" and holds it in her hand and rubs it while she sucks her thumb. It melts my heart every time
This morning Addy went to daycare for her trial run. :****( I'm still crying. The house is so lonely without her. I brought her in and the director took her over to her group and told me I could leave, that she would be fine. It was too quick for me even though they told me beforehand that this is the best way. I wonder how she's doing?
I've been very depressed lately. Money issues with me taking time off from work for Addy have really been taking it's toll. I know that she needed that to establish the bond with our family and I wouldn't change it, but the bills hanging over my head while I was out of work kept me from totally enjoying the time off. We still haven't even gotten a dime for foster payment yet and that would've helped a little bit. I go back to work on Monday and I'm dreading it. I don't want to be away from her for 8-9 hours. I have Tuesdays off and I work 1/2 Thursday so she'll only be there the long hours on Mon/Wed/Fri. Plus, DH works a rotating schedule so if he has a day off during the week he can keep her home or at least pick her up early.
I need to get out of this funk. I just want to mope around and cry. Sending Addy to daycare today hasn't helped me either. I miss her.
My friend and I took our girls to Sears this week for pictures. My house is decorated in the primitive, Little House on the Prairie style so I dressed Addy up in a dress and bonnet and took some antique toys and props with me. Oh My Gosh! One was cuter than the next. I ended up spending a ton of money that we don't have but how could I not get the pics. I'll post one where you can't see her face. After she's adopted, I'm going to post them all. She was such a doll, she loves having her picture taken and made it very easy for the photographer.
I've been spending my time away from the computer and bonding with Addy. Only one more week left to my maternity leave! It flew by. Addy finally made a breakthough with DH last week. She loves him now. Addy and I have just been spending our days hanging out with each other and bonding. She's adjusted so well into the family, it feels like she's always been here. She loves the boys and dogs and playing in her room.
She can eat!!! There hasn't been anything she's tried so far that she doesn't like. She weighs 36 lbs and she's 21 months old. She's going to be a big girl.
Her shower was just incredible. She looked like a little princess in her pink and white dress, white tights and shoes and little pink bows in her hair. All of my family and friends were just way too generous with her. She got beautiful outfits and toys and dolls and books and other things. Everyone that meets her falls in love.
We signed her up for daycare and she does a trial run on Monday. The facility is nice and it turns out that one of DH's co-worker's sister used to work there. We just reassurances from her that it's a good, safe place for Addy to be.
We met with the social worker last week and she can't believe it's the same kid that she placed us with a month ago. Her vocabulary has exploded, she's happy and healthy. She gave us some pictures of her grandmother (37), uncle (6 months), aunt (16), her son (8 months and in DCF care). I also got her full file. It took me about an hour to go through and it broke my heart but I'm glad Addy will have it to read one day. DCF has been working with this family since Addy's mother was young. The environment that she grew up in was horrendous. Every time a complaint report was filed on the mother from the neighbors or schools, etc. is documented. I thank God everyday that Addy was pulled from that situation at birth and will never experience the gross neglect and more that her mother and the siblings suffered.
We still haven't made a decision whether we are going to take Addy's brother or sister when it's born in a few months. Our house is teeny and time is tight. We'll see where we're at when the time comes. I would love Addy to have the biological connection though. Sadly, her mother is 17 and already on her second child so I'm sure there will be many more children to come. The mom's evaluation broke my heart. She has an IQ of 60 and reads and draws at a 1st grade level. Why can't they do anything to keep her from getting pregnant? Obviously, she isn't capable of raising these children and I'm pretty sure that she is incapable of grasping birth control/sexual issues/consequences. The whole situation just breaks my heart but I can't even express how grateful and blessed I am to have Addy from her.