I've wanted to post a million times but I'm gun shy about opening myself up for critism anymore. My words and intentions have been twisted and I've been so maligned on that other blog that it's just soured my view on blogs right now. I think when people are hiding behind a computer spewing their self-righteousness, they forget that there are real people on the other end.
Anyway, Addy is doing so good. She's still really attached to me and on/off with DH. She seems to love him as long as he's across the room from her. She's eating, sleeping, playing, happy. We're all in love with her.
Early Intervention came on Tuesday and I saw her first temper tantrum. She was ok when the worker first got here then she started getting really clingy and whiny. About 20 minutes into it, she started screaming and hitting herself. I don't know if she thought the worker was coming to take her away or if she wanted to go back to the foster home. After the worker left, it took her 1/2 an hour to get back to her old self. I felt so bad that she was hurting like this. This is such a tough age, she doesn't understand what's going on and we can't verbalize to each other.
I ordered her Adoption Annoucements this week! They're pale green background with a baby carriage that says "Our New Addition" and I have a pic of her that was taken at my friend's house of her in a green top with white bows in her hair smiling into the camera. (And again, I hesitated to post this because it might be construed that I'm being materialistic spending money on annoucements, but whatever.)
Her Baby Shower is today at 1:00. Yay! I can't wait. I got her a pink and white eyelet dress with a cotton sweater. ($9.99 each at Babies R' Us, is that cheap enough for you?). We're having about 20-25 people at my mom's house. I'll post more on that later tonight.
Caseworker called and asked if I was sitting down, court was yesterday and birthmom didn't show so the judge terminated her parental rights and she is now legally free! What a relief - now the foster mom has no recourse to fight us on the adoption.
Early Intervention called and they are coming next Tuesday morning to reevaluate her. The caseworker is coming by at the same time to drop off all of Addy's paperwork since we can now have access to it since she has been TPRed. I'm dying to read everything, hopefully this should give me some insight into the first 18 months of her life and the birthmom's lengthy evaluation is in there, too.
Once again, I am astonished how fast everything is coming along. The caseworker said that she has never seen Addy looking so healthy and happy in her whole life and she is so pleased that we are such a good match with each other. :)
Monday - The caseworker called and said she was swamped and asked if I could meet her near the fosterhome instead for Addy's pickup. It was so cold and the wind was whipping that we didn't linger in the parking lot for the transfer. I signed the papers and left. It was the best feeling to put Addy in her carseat knowing that I would never have to send her back again.
When we got home, I had a big sign in front of the house "It's a Girl" and a huge mylar balloon and other balloons tied to the front porch. Addy started squealing when she saw them. So, I untied them and brought them in for her.
We had company all night long because everybody wanted to come and see her. We had her celebration cake and when company left at 9:00, she went right to bed.
Then I could go through her stuff that was sent. First off, no lifebook. I am so beyond pissed at this woman for not doing one. How can you have a baby in your home for 18 months and not care enough to record those months for her? She sent a photo album with a dozen pictures of Addy, her foster siblings and the foster mom. The one she sent was literally from 1984 and she cut the man out of it because his shoulders are still in the picture. Whatever. Where is her hospital pic and ID tag? Where are the milestones set? Why couldn't she take the time to write a paragraph a month about her babyhood? I could cry for her that she'll have that 18 month void of her beginnings. I have to ask the caseworker if she could write something down about her visits and what she saw, describe the home. She's the only link to that time that Addy will have.
I went through her clothes and there is nothing salvable. Everything is too small and too old. I'm taking them back to Goodwill where I'm sure they came from. What did she spend the $400 a year clothing allowance on? Certainly not on Addy.
She got a plastic bin of toys that I haven't gone through yet. I don't know if I should give them to Addy or not. I don't want her constantly reminded of her old home while playing them.
Tucked away in the suitcase with her Early Intervention paperwork (which she cancelled BTW when she found out she wasn't getting Addy) was a letter. It told me what she eats, when she sleeps and naps, etc. Just basic stuff. I guess I was hoping for a letter to Addy with something meaningful for her to have but there wasn't. Oh well.
Yesterday I took her to my work to show her off and she was a huge hit toddling all over and playing peek-a-boo in the cubicles. That's it. We're settling in nicely except that if she could velcro herself to my hip she would. She wouldn't go to DH at all. She still loves J and gets so excited whenever he is around. It's hysterical to watch her with him. She copies everything he does and follows him around.
I can't imagine life without this little girl in it. I'm amazed that it's happened so fast and so smoothly.
For all of you who are in the midst of adoption....
Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."
Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take Kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."
Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."
After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said,"This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter, "and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.
At the second tree the woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree. I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.
When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the Woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my Tree, I'll take this one," and he cut it down.
When the first tree arrived at the carpenter, he was made into a feed box For animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for.
The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.
The third tree was cut into large pieces, and left alone in the dark.
The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.
Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event And knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.
Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second Tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and Said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.
Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.
The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, God will give you great gifts.
Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined.
We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.
I better write this post because once Addy gets here because I may not have time tonight. Today is one of the most important days in Addy's life and she doesn't even know it. I'm happy she's coming home but for some reason, I'm sad for her, too. I know her foster home is crappy but it's the only home she's ever known since birth and she is bonded to the foster mom and her foster siblings. She will experience yet another loss today.
I baked a celebration cake for her and I'm going to run out and get a pink stork yard sign and balloons for her. I was talking to J last night when I was making the cake. I told him when he was born there was lots of celebration and happiness and people came to the hospital to see him and brought him presents and he had a Mommy and Daddy who loved him and a whole family waiting for him. I said when Addy was born, there was no one there for her. She had to stay in the hospital for ten whole days before a foster home was even found for her to go to. She had no Mommy or Daddy or family, there was no celebration, no presents, no home to go to. So, today is like her Homecoming, just 19 months late.
Addy did so good! She came over at 1:00 and we played with her toys. She ate two bowls of macaroni and cheese. Then we waited and looked out the window until Jack came home from school. She squealed and got all excited yelling "Hi!" out the window at him.
She was getting tired so I laid down with her until she fell asleep. She slept about an hour then woke up and got really scared because she didn't know where she was. Then Daddy fed her some ground beef and cheese. She still doesn't like him and is only ok if I'm sitting right next to her while he's in the room.
A & J played rock/paper/scissors right near her and she started playing with them. I told A not to get discouraged, to give it a month and she'll be fine. She's not even living here yet. I'm so tired of his whining. It'll happen.
When I put her to bed, she just played with her lullaby glow worm until she fell asleep. She woke up at 3:00, 5:00 then 6:30 for the day. I was amazed how good she did. I slept with her so every time she woke up and got scared I just soothed her and she went right back to sleep.
She got two beautiful gifts yesterday. A Corky & Company cream colored winter coat from Nordstom with pink and tan leopard spots and little sparkles with matching hat and mittens and a pair of pink Ugg boots. She looks beautiful in her new coat. It puts the one I got her on ebay to shame, LOL.
Yesterday was court. I got there around 9:30 and met up with Addy's caseworker. The birthmom and the foster mom both didn't show and mediator was running late so we were going to miss our 10:00 slot. She told me to go get a cup of coffee and come back around 10:30.
When I got back around 10:15, I stood outside the court room until 12:10 when the caseworker came out and said to just go home. The judge was stopping court for lunch then she was going to hear criminal cases until 2:30 so Addy's case wouldn't be heard between 2:30 and 4:30.
I missed seeing Addy yesterday, too. Because court should have been done by 10:15, the caseworker was going to get Addy for a visit and now that wasn't possible. So, what's a girl to do? Yup, go shopping for Addy. I went to Old Navy and hit the jackpot. For $35, I got a huge bag full of dresses, shirts, boots, a blanket, a stuffed animal, tights and socks. Then when I got home, I got to do the happy dance over the packages waiting for me. I got a bunch of toys that I bought on ebay and the Children's Place order. Yay! I love baby girl clothes.
This morning I got an email from the caseworker that court is now 2/6. If birthmom doesn't show again, then it's 21 days and her rights will be terminated. I'm not required at court on Tuesday which is good because I'll have Addy by then.
Today is my last day at work. I'm leaving here about 12:15 to be home for Addy. She'll be dropped off around 12:45 for her sleepover. I promised J that Addy and I will be there waiting when he gets out of school!