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Tuesday, December 05, 2006
A Dark haired girl, December and the number 5
Today I got to see the video of the girl we are in consideration for. Ever since Friday when I found out about her I've been on pins and needles and anxious. Today I got to see her video and to see her face in person for the first time. All morning long, I've been almost sick to my stomach waiting. Then I saw her. I can't even tell you in words how I felt as soon as I saw her face. It was like, "Yes, of course. That's my daughter." I'm crying right now typing, I've been emotional all day.

All my life, I've always wanted a daughter. I've dreamed about her, wondered what she would look like. I never in my wildest imagination could have dreamed a more perfect daughter for myself. She has long dark curly hair down to her waist, dark eyes, big dimples in her cheeks and a mouthful of baby/adult/missing teeth. She had a purple turtleneck sweater on with sparkly jeans and gold hoop earrings. She's gorgeous and perfect and I know without question that she is my daughter. Even though I didn't give birth to her, she is just as much mine as my sons are. It's eery but she looks just like us, same features and coloring. No one would ever question that she wasn't borne of us.

I called the social worker who sent my homestudy out for her and she laughed as soon as she answered the phone. There are one or two other homestudies out on her and the decision should be made this week or next. I also called my trainer and left a message for her.

My husband and I called that psychic to see if she could get a read. She'll let us know. I called my sister after and we were talking and then she blew my mind. She said remember the pyschic told you a few months ago about a dark haired girl and December and the number 5? Yes, she has dark hair and it's December but what does the number 5 mean? She's 8. She told me today was December 5th. That was just confirmation for what I already knew. She is our daughter. It seems like fate is taking us along this path to each other. Had we taken the classes over the winter we might have already been matched. She has been working toward her goal for a family. The timing is perfect.

Why am I crying? I don't know if it's happiness, joy, terror and utter complete fear that we found her and now we could lose her. I want her home for Christmas or to at least meet us and know about us by then. She might want to spend Christmas with her foster family. I don't know. I didn't cry this much on the birth of our boys.

All I know is that my life changed today. December 5th will always be one of those life changing, significant dates for me now.

She wants a kitten and an older brother and younger sister. We have the older brother, we can get the kitten and work on the younger sister.

I just primed Billy's room, the floor should go down tonight, tomorrow we'll put up the baseboards and Thursday we should be able to move his stuff in. I need to get her room done asap. I want everything to be perfect for her when she comes home. We are going to give her the best life we can possibly give her. She'll be so loved and cherished. My husband and the boys think she is so cute. I'm crying again. I can't help it. How is it possible to love someone so much that you've never met?