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Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Talked to adoption coordinatior!
The adoption coordinator called me back. She said they did receive my homestudy and distributed it among the social workers and it has gone out twice!! I'm so excited. I feel like FINALLY we're getting somewhere. I wonder who the girls are that we might be a match for??

We have another adoption matching party next week. She also wants us to come to their office and introduce ourselves and look through the photolisting books.
I put in some inquiries on kids in other states. Still haven't heard back from anyone.

This afternoon I called my state adoption office because I haven't heard anything at all since we completed the homestudy. As far as I know, they don't even have it. They're going to have someone call me.

I saw THE VIEW today and it was all about the foster-care system. That is what spurred me to make the call. The parents on the show all had kids within a month. One had a match immediately, another within a few days and another in 3 weeks.

I told the girl at the office I saw it when I called and she had seen it, too. I told her I don't understand if there are hundreds of thousands of kids waiting, why we don't have a match yet. She told me it could take up to 6 months or a year to get a match and asked if they told me that at licensing class. I was told that we are not guaranteed a match at all but realistically, I think they just have to say that. I wasn't expecting it to be true. It's not like we're not holding out for the newborn, blonde hair, blue eyed white child. We're certainly not being picky, a girl under 11, no severe medicals or emotional.

Today is one of those hard days that comes along once in a while. I'm tired of waiting, I have so much to give and I just feel like it will never end with a real live child. That I will be searching the photolisting sites forever.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
This has been a year of soul searching and growing and learning since I started this adoption process. It's given me so much to be thankful for - having a family and healthy, happy children. It's just heartbreaking delving into the adoption world and seeing the faces and reading the message boards and blogs of the situations these children have come from. No child should have to grow up with abuse, neglect or without a family.

All of the adoptive parents I've come across are just the most compassionate, incredible people I have ever seen. The determination and love they have to give is endless. They stay hopeful even after devasting losses and deceptions because that's what they have to do to find their child and bring him/her home. The travel, the wait, the expense, the frustration seems neverending but then to read their stories and see the children in their arms and the happiness of a family being created, you know it's all worth it. It's what keeps me going and gives me the faith I need to get through each day without my daughter. I can't help but think about her today, where she is and that she'll be with us for this holiday next year. Is she thinking of us, too?

I put in a couple of inquiries on some girls and a couple of sibling groups. I haven't heard back yet on most of them. One set of siblings had so many issues, my heart just breaks for what they've gone through and what's ahead for them. The two individual girls are both older than we wanted but one of them is in my state and the other is in a neighboring state and she looks exactly like our family and she seems so sweet. Both girls seem wonderful but the one in my state seems like a tomboy, not sure if that's what I'm looking for. I hope to meet her at the adoption party in a few weeks.

I've done most of my Christmas shopping online this year. Easy and stress free! I bought board games and animated stuffed dogs and Littlest Pet Shop stuff just in case so if we get a last minute placement close to Christmas I'll stuff ready for her and then I can just fill in what she wants.

Nothing new on Baby Kara. The foster mother is giving the bio dad a rough time. She keeps cancelling visits and he hasn't seen her in weeks. He finally called the social worker and she got back to him within 2 hours with an appointment to see her. The foster mother wants to adopt Kara so she is doing everything she can to keep him out of the picture. I hope he gets a court date soon because then he'll take custody and can see if he can parent or not. Right now she's just stuck in the system. He should know within a few months of having her if he's able to work full time, go to college and support the baby financially and physically. It's going to be tough for him but he needs to do this so if he decides to let us parent her, he'll be able to do it knowing that he did everything he could.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Friday, November 17, 2006
Highway adventures
I was driving to work this morning racing down the highway with all the other nuts and all of a sudden everyone was slamming on their brakes. I thought a cop was hiding out or there was an accident. I was in the middle lane but I could see all these cars in the breakdown lane, moving slowly. Then I saw the dog - running right by all the cars. He was a brown and white medium sized dog with a bright orange collar running full steam ahead past all the cars.

The person in front of me pulled over and I pulled over, too, but I went far ahead so I would have time to get out of the car before he got to me. It briefly crossed my mind that I was nuts to be risking getting hit on the highway but I couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't try to help. So anyway, I slid out of the passenger seat and left the door open. I crouched down and when he came running by I talked really sweet and he stopped long enough for me to grab his collar and pull him in my car.

It poured all night and morning so he was soaked to the bone and shaking. He sat in the front seat and cried and kept trying to climb in my lap. I just kept reassuring him it would be ok and trying to drive the car and keep him off my tan dress pants with his muddy paws.

So, I get to work and drag him (or he dragged me!) into the building. He took off running all over the place, checking out the cubicles and desks. We got him into the bathroom and gave him some water and dried him off. I found 2 deer ticks on him and a recent scar from an operation on his hind quarters.

I called the number on his collar and the woman was so happy he was found. I told her I'd meet her in the mall parking lot. When I got there, she was so relieved. Her 3 y.o. let him out the night before and her husband and 4 neighbors searched all night and this morning in the woods for him. He is a short-haired pointer, only about a year old. She said he was adopted from a rescue and when she got him, he was almost starved to death. Then 2 weeks ago, he got caught under a neighbors car and that's how he had the operation scar on his hind quarter. He's been through a lot in his short life.

The lady offered me $20 for finding him but I could never accept it. Just seeing him caught alive and returned to his family is all the thanks I needed. It was such a nice affirmation of human kindness to see that line of cars on the highway all trying to help. She said she hoped my act of kindness is returned tenfold. That was sweet. I just hope if my one my dogs gets loose, people are kind enough to do the same.

I'm been keeping track on the net since it happened of that little greyhound Vivi who got loose at the airport in New York and still hasn't been found. I hope her story ends as happy as this one did.

Thursday, November 16, 2006
Whole Lotta Nuthin Goin On
Sitting here, twiddling my thumbs. I feel like it will never happen, that our call will never come. I'm not really this down and depressing in real life. It's just when I come to my blog to put down my thoughts, where I am in the process is a time of reflection, uncertainty and desperation that comes across in my writing. This wait is so hard. It's harder but different than the infertility years. Those were broken down into 2 week blocks - hopeful then the wait then depression then the wait then hopefulness again. This is just one long road where there is no definite date to pinpoint down, that's what makes this so incredibly hard.

I'm still interested in adopting internationally if the domestic path doesn't work out for us. I've researched all the countries and Guatemala and Russia are the front runners but Guatemala is so expensive and Russia has such a long in-country stay. I hope domestic works out so well that we won't need to go international but at least I'll be somewhat prepared next year if we end up going that route!

Still no court date for Kara. It's been a month since the birthfather has even seen her. The foster mother took Kara out of state to visit her family for three weeks and she was too busy packing the week before she left to make the scheduled visitation day. I've never seen her yet I feel such an attachment to her. All we can do is be patient for the fahter to decide. I'd like to fly out and meet them in a few weeks.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
In My Daughter's Eyes
I just heard this song on the radio. I've always thought it was such a beautiful song, now it has another meaning to me. I pray I get to see my reflection in my own daughter's eyes soon.

Martina McBride

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Christmas shopping
We took the boys to the mall last night to get an idea what they wanted for Christmas. Everything Billy wants is expensive - skateboard, Hollister clothes, video games, Wii gaming system. It's like they become a teenager and the cost of their toys multiplies by 10!

Jack is easy, he's only 6 so he's still at the age where I can get him toys and games. He's been asking for those sneakers with the wheels at the bottom for months. There was a kiosk that had them but the poor kid couldn't stand up in them, never mind skate in them. We'll see.

I hope we get matched with our daughter before Christmas. I don't want her to have to spend Christmas in a foster home if she could be with her forever family. I would LOVE to be able to put out her beautiful handmade stocking (after I embroider her name on it) along side the rest of the family and to share in her excitement on Christmas morning. I have a stockpile of gifts I've picked up here and there for her so even if it's short notice, I'll be all set. There's still time - it's like 42 days until Christmas. I'm trying to stay optimistic. I feel the *the* phone call will never come!

Of course, we had to go the pet store at the mall. There was the tiniest, most adorable little Jack Russell terrier there. We played with him in the room for a while. He was tugging on my coat and hopping and pouncing then I picked him up and he fell asleep on my chest. I made it be known that I would like him for our anniversary that's coming up soon. :)
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Five months
Today makes five months since we started our journey. We've come far in those months, completed our classes, got licensed, did our homestudy. We still have alot to do. Tomorrow the ceiling is going up in the new room we're building for my son. Once that's done, we have to paint, put the doors up, put down carpet and add the baseboards. Then (yay!) we can move his furniture out of his old room and I can start painting and decorating hers.

It went by fast in some ways but it also seems like forever. I wonder how much longer? What is my daughter doing right at this second? Is she wondering about us, too?

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
"...and I pray"
"...and I pray that now at last in God's will the way may be opened for me to come to you." Romans 1:10
Russian girls dream
I started another adoption book right before bed "The Whole Life Adoption Book" by Jayne E. Schooler. It seems every time I do this, I have a really vivid adoption dream.

I dreamed that we were chosen to meet with a 12 y.o. Russian girl. Our appointment was scheduled for 9:45 to meet her at the dentist (LOL). My Jack had an appointment there at 8:00. So when he finished, we didn't want to hang around so we took a ride to the beach. We ended up getting in a ton of traffic and were 20 minutes late for meeting. The girl's sw was so pissed off that we were late that she refused to allow us the chance to become the girl's parents and that we was going to place her with another couple.

So, I went home and looked up my sw's phone number in the phone book and called her. She was nice and arranged for us to have the girl stay overnight. So, we go to get the girl and she has a 9 y.o. sister! They were part of a group of 9 siblings who were originally adopted by one family, who then found out they couldn't handle them all. Their names are Oksana and another one I can't remember now but the girl was teaching me how to pronounce it over and over. The 2 days were absolutely perfect. The girls got along so great with our family. We talked non-stop the whole time. I can vividly recall the conversations we had, what we talked about, etc.

We cried when we had to send them back because their sw still refused to let us adopt them. So, I called my sw again, apologizing profusely to bother her on a weekend. She was very terse, kept repeating "it's my one day off". So, I told her I'd call her on Monday.

I was on the phone telling my sister about the girls and watching a water parade in NY harbor (that I conveniently had a perfect view of the Statue of Liberty from my slider door in the kitchen) when my dog barked and woke me up for his morning pee.

I loved the girls, I wish they were real!
Friday, November 10, 2006
Talked to my social worker
I called my social worker to follow up on "Cassie", the little girl who had the TPR hearing yesterday. All indications right now are that the foster parents want to adopt her. If the situation changes, her caseworker will keep us in mind.

She suggested that I go to the Adoption center and introduce myself to the caseworkers and check out the photolisting books to see the children who may have entered the system recently. She is also taking my presentation book to the next meeting there to kind of help make the workers aware of us. She said that they get so many homestudies, it's hard for them to remember them all.

There's also another adoption party coming up next month. I'm looking forward to that. At least it'll give me something to focus on. The days go by way too slow - it seems like we'll never get that call.
Adding Blog Links?
How do I add links to other adoption blogs on the right side? I see them on other blogs and can't figure out how to add them. There are so many journies I come across and can never find again.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
TPR Hearing today
The little girl in my state, "Cassie" has her TPR hearing today. I've been thinking about it all morning. Hopefully, my friend can find out what the foster family decided. I feel so bad for the little girl, the mother O.D.ed, no father, she's younger than my littlest. I can't imagine...

Her fate is being decided today.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Quiet on the Adoption front
Nothing to report. I'm just trying to be patient and wait to hear from either my state or "Kallie's" state or the bio dad of Kara. I'm kind of just in limbo at this stage waiting for someone, anyone to make the next move. The little girl that my friend knows the foster parents has her TPR hearing on Thursday. After that, I'll know if the foster parents have decided to move forward to adopt or not. My social worker will have me moved to the top of the pile for potential pre-adopt consideration if she becomes available.

I hope I have something soon.....the waiting is so hard.