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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Social workers
I couldn't take it anymore. I've been waiting and waiting with no call so finally this afternoon I gave in and called the social worker. She didn't even remember who I was, then when I reminded her she said, "oh yes, I heard from the caseworker and she wants to stick to "Kallie's" list so I just deleted the email". Ugh, no courtesy phone call, nothing. She said that Kallie mentioned no younger siblings and just a mother. We talked a bit and she told me I could call the caseworker myself to see if that would help.

So, I called the caseworker who was such a peach. She said that Kallie is in a foster home right now and they have decided not to adopt her but she doesn't know it yet. They have two children and she doesn't get along with them and is jealous of the attention that the parents show to the other kids.

I told her I didn't want to be rejected based on my husband and son. What didn't work for that family, might work fine with us. I explained our family, house, etc. to her and emailed her a copy of our presentation book and I'll fax the copy of our homestudy to her tomorrow. At least now if we don't get her, I can't say I didn't try.
4 Comments:
Blogger Sig said...
I am good friends with my SW and the last time I saw her she told that all foster kids have issues (no surprise there). For every "issue" they tell you about, there are 3 more they are not disclosing. Especially if there have already been disruptions, you know something is going on. If the child (and the SW) decide that the child does not want a father in the house, then you should take that seriously, because she will make the fathers life very difficult. Moreso if she/they say that there should not be a younger child in the home , that is even more important, she will not only make your life hell, but more important, the younger childs life even worse. :( You really don't want that for you child, no matter how "right" it feels. I know i have looked at (and fallen in "love" with) many children I thought would be perfect but in the end, for some reason they were not.
I know this is really hard, but your search really just began. Register with a few states and ask them to match you. They know what cirteria you are looking for and what type of placement children are suited for. I am absolutely sure you will find the perfect child very soon. you can't make a puzzle peice fit if it does not belong to the puzzle. Make sense?
of course i don't blame you for trying, but just know that this won't take a month or two, and it might not be the first or second child, but it WILL happen when you find that right peice of your puzzle that is your family :)

Blogger Ahauna said...
Thanks for the advice, I think I'm so anxious to a mommy that maybe I'm being too optimistic about the situation. I'll just get the homestudy to the worker and let it go. If it's meant to be, great. If not, I know my daughter is out there somewhere and our paths will meet someday. I just need to have patience and faith in the system in making the right match.

Blogger Sig said...
Oh, you WILL be matched and it WILL be perfect.
I know I have been in your shoes and been let down time and again, which is why I know how you feel. I thought I found the "perfect" fit a few months ago with a 3 yr old and when my SW found out she brought me right back down and showed me why it wasn't. Made total sense. Sometimes we don't see does not want a father or younger sibling will be hostile if there are ones, and really when you look at her list, there are a few underlying issues you can't ignore. But of course it is easy for *me* to say that, I am not eager to get this started.
I do think at this point you could branch out and look at other states, not just in your town. Maybe go to a few "match" parties too. I really want to do that myself! It would be nice to meet the children, although they would be on their best.
I wish you so much luck, it is so cool to be well on this road.
Also, read "A Small Boat", good interesting read for those wanting to be foster/adopt moms :)

Blogger Ahauna said...
Thanks for the reality check. I know very little about her at this point so if the sw thinks it's not a match, then I will respect that we're not the family for her even though I know in my heart we could make her life happy. Who knows, maybe she'd be happier with a single mother. I feel for the sw who have to play God in a sense to decide what family gets which child.