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Monday, September 11, 2006
I lost her
I called the agency this afternoon. She's gone. The lady sent in her dossier this morning.

I'm just sick. I feel in my heart that she was meant for our family, that she should've lived her life with us. I was told if anything changes, they'll let me know but I know that's it. I hope this funk I've been in all weekend will go away soon. All I did was think about her and pray. I need to lose this feeling and be open to other kids but I'm not right now. All I want is her. As long as I had her picture and no definite answer, I still had hope. Now there's nothing but sadness left.
4 Comments:
Blogger Yeah So said...
I'm so sorry. I am a firm believer in "what is meant to be will be". If she is meant to be with you, then she will become available. I know you wanted her badly, but perhaps you'll feel the same way if you get assigned a different child. Unfortunately this happens alot with this process. Perhaps that little girl needed your prayers in the last few weeks.

Blogger Maggie said...
I had an 8-year old boy from Russia stay with me for the summer of '05. For 8 months I pursued his adoption. When my home study was submitted to the Russian Ministry of Education his foster mother decided to care for him permanently. He was my boy. I knew and loved him. He called me Mama and he loved me, too. And I lost him.

The adoption process is not without heartbreak. I'm sorry you developed an attachment to her photo and the idea of her. But keep in mind that this other woman wants a child desperately, too. She wouldn't be adopting from Guatamala if she didn't. She's probably a wonderful person who's going to give that little girl a beautiful life.

Blogger Ahauna said...
I was thinking driving home from work tonight, maybe that woman needs that baby more than I do and she is supposed to have her. That gave me some comfort and I know I can move forward now.

That's nice to think that the baby got all those prayers. I like that. Thank you.

I truly believe what happened is for the best, even if it doesn't seem that way now. At least, I can move on now and look forward to meeting the child who is supposed to be "mine".

Blogger Ahauna said...
Margaret,

I can't even imagine the heartbreak you and the little boy must've gone through.