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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Dream
Adoption seems to have taken over my life, my thoughts, my subconsious, my dreams.

Last night I had a dream that was so vivid and real, it's scary. I can remember every conversation and nuance of it. I dreamed that I was presented with the photos and biographies of 3 girls. We chose a little five year old, blond hair down to her shoulders and blue eyes. Her name was Kara, and we seemed to think it was fate. We met with her and we just hit it off right away. She was living in a town about 10 minutes from us and was worried she wouldn't get to see her friends. We assured her we would take her to visit all the time. She was so excited to know she was getting a family and we hugged and kissed her and told her we'd be getting her soon to stay with us forever.

Then I find out that 2 other families think they are adopting her, too. That confuses me because she was supposed to be mine. DH and I go ahead telling our family and celebrating.

She is supposed to come to us that morning but we get a call that she died. Her foster father was a volunteer firefighter and had pictures all over the house of firetrucks showing the fireman standing on the back. A firetruck went by her house and she jumped on but couldn't keep her grip and fell off and died. Ironically, the firetruck was responding to the house next door to us.

There was a wake and everyone was there mourning her. I remember thinking this was a dream come true for her and for us. Why did it have to end before it even began? I was probably getting near the end of the dream anyway when the alarm clock rang at 6:30. I don't know where it would've gone on from there. It was just so real, I can see her clothes, the house she was living in, recall conversations I had all night with her, the social worker, family etc.

I guess the only way I can interprete it is that losing that little girl made me feel that something that is so tangible and perfect can be taken away in an instant.
5 Comments:
Hi... I got the link to your blog off of a Yahoo group that I am in. I just wanted to wish you luck on your adoption journey. We went through infertility treatments, also with no luck. Now, we know why we didn't have any luck. We wanted two children. So, if we had luck, we probably would've only adopted one (we knew we wanted to adopt). We adopted our daughters through foster care last summer. They were 6 & 8 years old. We didn't have them in foster care, my parents did. We are so happy. They are our lives. I couldn't imagine them not being my babies. Again, good luck and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes awhile.

Blogger Ahauna said...
Hi Misty! Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes it seems like it's never going to actually happen. I'm too impatient, I just have to focus on the "happily ever after" part and quit obsessing on how long and what going to happen to get us there.

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Blogger Ahauna said...
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