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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
I just realized I'm "pregnant". I was laying awake in bed at 4:00 am this morning with insomnia and I started laughing to myself. I'm acting like I did during my pregnancies - it was all I thought about, I devoured the internet and books to learn as much as I could, I couldn't sleep.

The difference is this baby I'm not carrying in my belly but in my heart. And the due date is uncertain! Maybe (hopefully) it won't take 9 months meet my daughter. Oh, and instead of watching "A Baby Story" now I watch "Adoption Stories". My hormones are raging, too, because I'm in a complete state of panic over my upcoming homestudy with the social worker.

With my other pregnancies, I wondered what he or she would look like and what we would name our baby. Now I'm wondering what our girl will look like too, but also what her name will be and what her history is.

I'm a planner...it's hard not to buy clothes (because I don't know what age our daughter will be, I put in for 6-18) or decorate her room (I want her to do that to her own taste). But, as with my other babies, each day that goes by, I fall more in love with my new baby even though I have yet to lay eyes on her.